Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
How naked do you want me to be?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
