i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
