I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So many bounce houses so little time
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
