It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
