Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
