Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
