Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
