tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
