I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
