Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
