Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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