My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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