I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
