hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
