Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We don't watch enough power rangers
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
