Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
