You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
