please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
