Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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