So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
