I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
