I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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