my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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