found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
