he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
