Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
