well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
