Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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