I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
