I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
