So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
