Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
