from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
