ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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