Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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