I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
