I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
