I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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