Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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