i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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