C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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