The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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