its not stalking. its research.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
