Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
