i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
