I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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