I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
