wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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