I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
