absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
